unsurprisingly, that didn’t work

Negative. Again. Though I think I took it ok this time (as in, I did not burst into tears). And of course I had coffee — real, proper, caffeinated coffee — today.

There was something weird about this cycle though. Last week, I noticed that I lost much less hair when showering and combing than usual. And I had cramps — not bad, but of increasing strength over the week. Until Friday evening, when they suddenly stopped without any apparent reason (that would be 9dpo, I think). From Saturday on much more hair loss (back to normal really — I don’t know if it’s actually a lot, but I have dark and thick hair so it’s very obvious) and no more cramps. Could this have been a very early miscarriage? Or am I over-interpreting my symptoms? I only tested today, didn’t even think about it on Saturday, so I have no idea if there would have been any hcg to detect… I’ve had one sort of similar experience with symptoms until 9dpo, but again, I have no idea if I was pregnant then, or just symptom-crazy. If anyone has experienced something similar, or more ideas on how to interpret this (and what to do), please share.

when the 2 in 2ww isn’t a 2

Thanks for all your kind comments on the last post. I’m still not bleeding (though I had another horrible dream, with amounts of blood that would easily qualify for the ER).

For a while, my 2ww was really a 1.3ww — hello LPD. That clearly was a problem. Now with the progesterone though, I’m 21dpo. That’s 3 weeks. Some cramping (middle, left, right), some pain in the boobs, but nothing that seems like a “real” symptom (and even if real, it might be caused by the progesterone). I need to pee a lot, but maybe I’m just drinking more? I don’t really want to take another test for fear of disappointment. (I do realize that this is sort of silly.) Argh. I have no idea how to interpret this, how much longer to wait.

Meanwhile, there have been so many bad news in the blogosphere — Adele, Alex, Jess, and several more. I’m sad for them, and find it difficult to be hopeful. Go over and let them know you’re thinking of them, if you haven’t visited already.

3 letter abbreviations, or when to test

The jury on this cycle is still out. My symptoms are neither here nor there. Breasts not really sore, but whenever I think that this cycle wasn’t it, I get stabbing pain in Breast Central. 2 days ago I suddenly had to pee every half hour — sounds more like an UTI than anything else. It was painful and annoying, but just when I was seriously thinking about emergency care, it got better. Weird. (And the fact that UTIs can cause miscarriages just scared me more.)
I don’t really want to test, thinking that a BFN would be more depressing than CD1. But, if I want to keep up the progesterone (still waiting for my doctor’s answer), I should know… because if it’s negative, then the sooner I can start the next cycle, the better. So I checked this fertilityfriend article to find out when I should test. They say that right around the expected period is most reliable (low risk of false negatives). The expected day of my period, though, is 5 days after I stop the progesterone, so that doesn’t work. My normal luteal phases are too short, so that doesn’t work either. I’m 13dpo today, so tomorrow could be ok, what do you think?

Regardless of the test outcome, though, I’ve added three letters to my name this month, three letters I’m very proud of :) To celebrate, I probably had more alcohol than anyone serious about tcc should (2 glasses of champagne and 2 glasses of wine… not a lot in absolute terms, but still). I’d love to get a BFP in addition to this, but I feel like I cannot complain if I don’t get it this month.

And just because it’s another 3 letter thing, we’re off to my MIL’s birthday celebration next weekend. For which I’d like to know if I can drink or not. About a year after our wedding, this is bound to lead to questions revolving around our future offspring. And I’m not looking forward to this part.

sprung

Thanks for all your opinions on the coffee. I’m glad I’m not the only one that wants to enjoy such a kind of treat every now and then (which may or may not be every afternoon — though I can go for days without, provided that I sleep enough), even if it’s not what the it-can-all-happen-naturally experts recommend and when the scientific data is unclear at best.
On Tuesday I went back for another u/s. The follicle was still there, but “ready to burst”, as my doc said. Lining looking good, EWCM** at the cervix. And that it was a good day to make a baby. Well, if that’s not a motivation ;) My temps even obliged and rose (somewhat) the next day, and strongly another day later, actually higher than I’ve ever seen them before. So at least we should have good chances (assuming there are no other issues like blocked tubes or what-not). Of course I’m now getting scared that high hopes will lead to a deeper fall… but I can’t help it.
The next week will include a big event, one I’ve been working towards for four years, which should keep me distracted for much of the 2ww. Not enough not to obsess about possible sore breasts* or other symptoms, probably.

* In one of my first charted cycles I had really, really sore breasts from about 5 or 6dpo on. Sore as in cannot-walk-down-the-stairs-without-hurting-sore. And got hopeful. But then LPD kicked in and that was that…
My hope is that I was/would have been pregnant that cycle (timing was really good) meaning that we can get pregnant ourselves… a girl can hope, right?

** ETA: what I found interesting is that the follicle was still there, though I was feeling “dry” already — I have EWCM for days after ovulation (or, more accurately, after my temps rise), so it’s not a very good indicator whether I have ovulated already or not, and with the dryness I actually had assumed that the egg might be gone already.

crampy

I finally ovulated on CD17, and started progesterone after two days of high temps, to counteract the luteal phase problems (yes, I know, I’m supposed to wait for 3… patience is not my strongest character trait ;).
I also stopped charting for the rest of the cycle, as the progesterone raises my temperatures several tenths more than they usually are. (Is it like this for everyone? Or could that be a sign of low progesterone?)

In the last couple of days I’ve had cramps on and off. Not strong ones, and at least some seem rather digestive than (anti-)reproductive, but still, they don’t make me feel any better. I was/am kind of hopeful for this cycle though, and mentioned this to my husband. He said he rather wouldn’t get his hopes high, because he’s always so disappointed when it turns out to be nothing… The poor guy. I feel so sorry for him. He’s always very supportive of me when the bad news come, but hardly ever mentions how he feels. I so wish to have better news this time.

luteal phase defect

My last luteal phase was again only 9 days long. I noted this issue when I first began charting. My ob/gyn gave me progesterone suppositories, but based on this article I also started to take vitamin B6, also because I had read elsewhere that a sign of vit B6 deficiency is that you cannot remember your dreams. (As a scientist, the lack of properly controlled studies and solid data in much of the medical world drives me nuts. But that’s a topic for another day.) Well, I could hardly remember any dream in the morning, so I went shopping and finally found a pharmacy that had a supplement with 50mg+ pills. It didn’t affect my preovulatory phase in the first cycle (luteal phase was long, but with progesterone support). The next cycle, ovulation was on CD11, quite a change from around 20 before, but the eggwhite cervical fluid only appeared afterwards… probably my body was rather confused. I stopped taking B6 sometime thereafter because of oddly tingling feet (possible side effect of high doses, cf. Wikipedia, improved soon after I stopped taking it).

Whether because of the vitamins or not, both my pre-ovulatory and post-ovulatory phases have varied by several days in each cycle. Which made timing sex for conception rather difficult — the “usual” 3-5 day window doesn’t seem to work for us, obviously …

Now as I’m back to the short luteal phase, I have started supplementing again, but much lower doses (20mg). Let’s see if this works.