it’s official

Sometime around a year ago, on our honeymoon, I stopped taking my bcps which I’d been on since the endo surgery and treatment. Despite my history, I was kind of disappointed not to get pregnant in the first couple of months. Ordered Taking Charge of Your Fertility, started to chart, made an appointment with my doctor. Now, 12 months later, I still haven’t seen a BFP, but I hope very much that this has little predictive value for the future.

The conference was great, although they didn’t have hot milk for my understanding of “coffee”, and alcohol was spare. Oh well, scientifically and socially it was really nice. My husband participated in some special event, and a guy was asking him if his wife was the one that was expecting (there were several pregnant women around — I successfully avoided them). He answered that I’d like to be but unfortunately wasn’t, which I found sweet.

I try to be glad for the things that do work. There is sperm, even if not all of it is swimming properly. I do ovulate, even fairly regularly. The progesterone keeps my LPD under control. EWCM is there, lining is built up fine. But, with all that looking ok and 12+ cycles of trying, I’m getting a bit frustrated. What is wrong here? Do we just need more time? Less stress? (well possible given our work situations)

Or should we move on to more testing? I’ll be travelling a lot in August and have 3 deadlines for September. And we’ll probably move next year. International if not transatlantic. Not a great time to be pregnant or have a tiny baby. But, given our success rate from the previous year, I’m not planning to stop trying. However, we won’t start any big treatment plans either. If it happens naturally, great (and then we’ll sort out all the difficulties of moving, changing employer and insurance while pregnant somehow), if not, sigh.

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