the bad blogging continues

  • Thanks for all your support and comments. Some really summarized the situation and problems very well. We definitely do have an issue with the definition of ‘partner’.
  • My feelings are complicated as ever. I had somehow – naively, probably – assumed that we’d talk about these problems I see, I’d ask him to change X, Y and Z (mainly, do much more around the house than so far), he’d either do it or not, and I’d have a clear way to move on. Instead it’s a weird two-steps-forward-N-steps-back situation, and N is anywhere between 1 and 3. I feel stuck, and I hate feeling stuck.
  • This is only increased by several of our friends, all with kids younger than SB,  expecting their seconds. I’m not saying I necessarily want to be pregnant right now (the situation is complicated enough as it is) but it just underlines how I am not moving forward.
  • The therapy session was helpful to some extent. The therapist gave me some ideas to explain to H what the situation is, such as that it’s a business we co-own, and that we both need to be equal contributors to making sure things run smoothly. We do have a history of me asking him to do more, things perhaps improving for a while, but then slipping back. She did point out that it’s not great if I always have to remind him to do ‘his tasks’ – I’m not his mother. Back to the whole ‘partner’ thing. But overall there’s only so much this can help if I’m the only one who is going. It is nice to get some reflection and ideas on how I see the situation, but what we’d need is a dialogue to understand what the other person needs and feels, and that can’t happen this way. (BTW, H was very curious about this visit and wanted me to tell him all about it – but still doesn’t want to go.)
  • The level of frustration I have built up and buried underneath need-to-function is  higher than I thought. Much higher.
  • I’m unwilling to make any plans further out than 1-2 months. Which is not practical, and only adds to the feeling of being stuck.
  • At the same time, as evident from the lack of blogging, I’m clearly not particularly willing to deal with this entire topic. It’s called denial, I know… it’s just so painful to have these discussions, and the lack of real progress doesn’t help.

4 thoughts on “the bad blogging continues

  1. I’m so sorry for the place you are in right now in life. It’s never a good feeling to feel stuck and can be a huge anvil sitting on your chest. Sending good thoughts your way that hopefully you can find a way to move forward.

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