stagnation

• We had a chat about how things are going, and I tried to communicate how I’m really not happy with several issues right now (and have been for a while). We were both clearly unhappy. Sad. And it may have helped in the sense that he seems to be trying to do a bit more. Not way-over-the-top, but it’s a start.
• Still, I feel like something is broken. And I’m not sure if I can get over that / recover from that.
• In the middle of all this, I was preparing for another FET. Yeah, not the best timing, but we had planned it as we’ll be travelling to the west coast… and we both really want to give SB a living sibling. Unfortunately I have a big cyst on the left ovary, so the transfer is cancelled before we really started anything. Better like this than last time, where it was cancelled a day before it would have happened… but still, sad. Frustrating. And — while right now clearly is not the best time, or state of relationship, to grow our family — I had been hoping it could help bring us closer again. Something we both care about. Of course it could also have exacerbated the tensions over who does what. In any case, it makes me sad.
• And yet, with two cancelled transfers, I can’t help but wonder if it’s the universe trying to tell me something.