complicated

Clearly I haven’t become a better blogger. Sigh.
So at that first ultrasound, the lining was thin as expected, but there was a cyst on one side. And for the first time it became apparent how annoying it is to coordinate between clinics in vastly different time zones – it wasn’t until 36h later that we actually had a plan (continue Lupron, start patches and hope for the best). Then, at the lining check 2 weeks later, I was only at 6mm, and no striped pattern in sight (the cyst was gone though!). After another back-and-forth across timezones, it was decided that I should add estrace vaginally. Of course by then it was in the middle of the night, so I had to wait until the next day to actually ask my local clinic for a prescription and pick it up. Today we’re at 6.7mm… so that’s an improvement, but still not quite where it should be. All this worked way better with SB’s transfer – but then, I wouldn’t trade places for anything. I find it so much easier to handle this less-than-stellar performance, knowing that I have a baby to cuddle when I come home.
The main point of contention is that I am still nursing SB. Essentially, only at night, but who knows whether that has any detrimental effects. (I haven’t even told the clinics. They’ll just tell me to stop, and I see their point, but also, lots of women get pregnant while nursing toddlers.) But now H has enough, he wants to do everything we can to make this transfer work. I struggle with taking something from my one living baby that she clearly loves, but… I also understand him. Perhaps it is time. And as I’m leaving for the west coast on Monday, it literally is only a question of 2-3 more or fewer days of nursing in any case.
Wish us luck.

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6 thoughts on “complicated

  1. I totally understand!!!! H and DeWayne are on the same page about it all I can tell. I think you and me are too. It’s hard. It’s very hard! Big hugs

  2. I understand. It’s so hard. I need to wean to get my cycle back in order to ttc, but I don’t want to wean because he loves it. Such guilt. Because if a pregnancy doesn’t happen, I will have weaned for nothing. My thoughts are with you.

  3. I don’t quite understand the technical / medical aspect (i know i’m fortunate not to be familiar with this) but i’m sending you hope and good vibes. And solidarity in dealing with the complicated feelings that come with nursing a toddler (our situations are different but i relate!). Many thoughts to you and Strawberry.

  4. Weaning is emotional and it’s too bad that you feel forced to do so before you are ready. Having said that, there are a lot of advantages to not having to breastfeed…..not saying it negates the emotions, at all, but life goes on and gets more interesting. Wishing you the best as you negotiate a complex and stressful situation….just thinking of coordinating all that boggles my mind!

  5. Weaning is hard! I’ve got BG down to morning wake up/nap/bedtime (seems like a lot but she was nursing on-demand until recently). Best wishes on a smooth transition with weaning and a successful transfer <3 XOXO

  6. When my lining hadn’t quite been where it needed to be, adding estrace vaginally made a big difference! I hope it does for you as well. Good luck!

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