stuck

2014 was an awesome and special year for us. I will always remember it for carrying and worrying about and feeling kicks from and finally giving birth to and holding and nursing Strawberry Baby*.
This pregnancy took up a lot of my mental space. Much of the time I wasn’t willing or able to do much beyond working and keeping the house from falling apart. I wasn’t actually doing anything, just waiting, hanging in there, hoping the next weeks would keep the good news coming as the previous, wonderfully, had. The grief over losing A&C, mixed with the feelings about the new pregnancy, also took up much of my mind. Thus, it seems fitting that I spent New Years stuck at my in-laws, because our visa paperwork had somehow gotten stuck in the mail**. Would I rather be in a place where I can get some privacy, where not every single nursing session is commented on***? Sure. Does it really matter? No.
I often stare at my baby in awe, amazed that we got so lucky. Getting here seemed almost inconceivable a year ago. Most other things, those that don’t affect the life and health of my baby and family, have become much less important. Possibly an extreme case of “don’t sweat the small stuff”, yet healthier than my “almost nothing matters” feelings from after the twins died. What a difference a year can make.

Happy 2015, everyone. May it bring you closer to your dreams.


* We haven’t really called her Strawberry much since she arrived. Little Monkey is her most frequently used nickname (she looks like one!), but I’m not sure if I want to update her blog name.
** It has since arrived. Phew.
*** I’m all for nursing as a normal everyday activity that can happen in the living room, as opposed to being confined to a spare guest bedroom – but part of “normal” is that it doesn’t need to be constantly commented on.

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