Today

Today a year ago, I lost my mucus plug in the morning. I freaked out, but the nurse tried to convince me that I needn’t come in (and perhaps they couldn’t have done anything anyway). A couple hours later, C’s water broke. Our poor little girl was all curled up on the ultrasound. It was heartbreaking – and the slim prospects of survival they were giving us for either of our twins didn’t make it any better. It was one of the worst days of my life.

This morning (my time zone), my brother’ girlfriend delivered their daughter, overdue and 9.5lbs, but healthy and alive. She is my dad’s first* living grandchild, and I wonder how he feels about it. He’s not one to talk about emotions but was clearly devastated by the loss of A&C. I’m happy for them, really, but I wonder how I’d have taken this without Strawberry Baby kicking me reassuringly.

* My MIL wrote an email about this baby being my dad’s first grandchild. H was very offended.

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12 thoughts on “Today

  1. So glad you have this baby on the way so you don’t know how you would deal with it if he/she wasn’t coming. Can’t wait for the baby to be here- healthy and perfect in every way :)

  2. I often wonder how devastated and bitter I would be (if I wasn’t pregnant) when I encounter things like your MIL’s email or observe due dates. There’s no way to know and I don’t like to dwell, but no doubt my feelings have changed and softened.
    It’s hard to read about you losing the twins–my heart always goes out to you.
    And yeah, your MIL made a major faux pax–the kind of criminal oversight only a *fertile* can make. Alas, fertiles are so clueless, bless their hearts. XOXO

  3. Yuck yuck yuck. I’m about to write about October too. My mucus plug fell out October 22 and water broke that night. So so unfair. October is a tough month forsure. I often wonder too how much worse this would be if their wasn’t hope of another child on the way-how much that covers up (or heals?) the deeper sadness. I miss J and B tremendously but it seems the hope brings the blow down a few notches.

    A and C were his first grandchildren. Period.

    Keep kicking really hard Strawberry Baby. Your mommy needs to be reminded constantly you are there and you are alive and YOU are the honorable and sweet little sister to 2 amazing little girls.

  4. Oh dear, what a day. Your one year anniversary of such an incredibly hard day and Allison just lost one of her daughters. October 9th is proving to be very unkind to our community.

    So thankful that in the midst of this incredibly hard season, Strawberry Baby can remind you to hold on to hope. Better days are here.

    Remembering A & C with you today.

  5. An anniversary I wish no one ever had to experience. Having Strawberry Baby to offer hope on such a bleak day is definitely a wonderful thing. As for your MIL’s email, I just have to shake my head. I understand her not wanting to bring up a sad memory during what is a happy time for your brother’s family, but there has to have been a better way to have worded that. Some people just don’t think sometimes.

  6. It’s been a year. It seems, from this end, like it was yesterday, and ages ago. I think of your girls when I look at the stars. I know they are up there, watching over you.
    I am thankful that this sad anniversary has some reminders of how much life wants to live: Strawberry baby kicking you, and your new niece making her entry into the world.
    Still, I honour the life of your first daughters. And I hope your family continues to remember them with you.

  7. Not an anniversary anyone should have. I’m sure the day was difficult and then made even more so by insensitive family members. Those girls are in your heart and your dad’s heart forever. I’m glad strawberry baby is kicking and thriving. Hugs

  8. I’m glad you do have SB to help ease the pain. As the first commenter said, I’m glad you won’t ever have to know what it feels like otherwise. Not that this anniversary is not still painful, but you have your SB on the way. I’m sorry about your niece being born on the same day, and your MIL’s comments. Timing is a strange thing. Hugs to you.

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