unexpected firsts

It was the night before my husband’s birthday – and instead of toasting to a better year, I was trying to comfort a man heartbroken by the fact that his two little daughters were not with us. Maybe I should have thought of it, but I did not see this coming. He explained that this should have been his first birthday with A & C, and while I’m sure the little girl now growing in my belly softened the pain a little, it was still raw and fresh.

Less than 24 hours later, I sat in a movie theater browsing through a big chain’s registry starter gift. Somewhat surprised that this is really me.

And then the movie began, taking me completely by surprise with a scene of a dying mother saying goodbye to her child and the grandparent that would take care of him. And I thought, I’ve been in the position of the child losing his/her mother, and in the position of the parent losing their daughter(s). It’s a bit much pain to take in all at once.
(Fortunately I haven’t been in the dying mother position, and I hope I won’t for very, very many years to come.)

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4 thoughts on “unexpected firsts

  1. Seeing our partner in pain has to be one of the hardest things to deal with. I never quite know what to do, even though hubby and been there so well for me so many times.

  2. The first (and really only) time I had to comfort M about our infertility struggle was so hard for me. I was so used to being the one receiving comfort, and thinking of him as my rock. But I think the men feel things just a little differently than we do, but certainly not any less. I’m sorry for such a sad reminder on his birthday.

  3. I’m sorry it was a rough birthday for your husband. That’s always sad when our guys are hit with the pain of loss. I hope that you aren’t in the position of dying mother for a long, long time!

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