Every time I write a post that doesn’t explicitly mention A & C, it hurts. It makes me feel bad. Even though I know you know I haven’t forgotten them.
In a way, reaching these milestones with Strawberry Baby has been like losing them all over again. I have apologized again and again for not being able to carry them this far. I’m sure they know though.
Most of the time, I’m okay, but sometimes an unexpected wave of grief hits. Like when I read this nurse’s perspective of a stillbirth and am taken right back to when we lost them, or perhaps when I realized we had lost them. And I am reminded that my concerns about first-world problems like maternity leave will get sorted out, somehow. And a kick from Strawberry Baby is one of the most reassuring feelings imaginable.