Are you a mom?

I’m in the incredibly lucky situation that my husband likes buying me jewellery. So on the last day of our trip we went to a store he had found to look at some items. The shop assistant, who had been helping me try on a few things and was probably looking for a reason for us to buy something (not necessary – if we like it and we think we can afford it, yes, otherwise no) asked, with the upcoming Mother’s Day in mind,

“Are you a mom?”

I probably frowned. “It’s difficult.” Deep breath. “We had twins last year, but they were stillborn.” Another deep breath. She looked really sorry for us and may have said something along those lines. “Now we’re expecting another baby, and hope this one will make it.” She smiled and said she was sure this baby would be fine. (Many people have said that. I so wish I could fully believe them.)

I looked at a few more things. The assistant later told us that her sister-in-law also lost her first two babies, but that the third made it. She was really sweet and gave me a hug later and said she’d be praying for us.

I so wish I could believe all those people that think Strawberry Baby will be fine. And I so wish this question wasn’t so difficult for far too many of us.

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10 thoughts on “Are you a mom?

  1. I believe with these others about your baby inside your belly. It is a difficult question… and I was asked a couple of times on my trip. I’m sure we’re going to be asked many times and hopefully it gets easier when we have to answer it.

  2. Although not pregnant myself, I 100% understand. The loss of J and B will forever make me nervous. I really appreciate how you are embracing/celebrating your pregnancy (Ie putting the ultrasound pics on the fridge, taking bump shots). When I loss J and B I told myself I would NEVER do those things again because the loss hurt so bad and I didn’t want to get excited till I was holding the baby at the END of my pregnancy. You have inspired me to approach this differently if the time comes around for me. Happy Mothers Day <3

  3. You showed a lot of courage in your answer to that question. I am spending Mother’s Day inside my house (we will go to FIL’s for dinner in the evening) pondering the existential question of just how much I care if the house is clean, i.e. how much effort I’m willing to put into making it cleaner. And obsessing over symptoms. Which means I won’t be answering any awkward questions today. :-) But I think it is important to occasionally point out that we don’t all fit the cliches, and I for one don’t care to live my life by cliches. (I’m not a bit fan of Mother’s Day in any case, or any “Hallmark Holiday.”)

  4. This is lovely–the sales woman was lovely to engage with you, rather than turn away. And it’s wonderful that you were brave enough to give her your honest answer. I know this day much be especially hard for you right now. I hope your pregnancy with Strawberry goes quickly and is uneventful. Hugs.

  5. It is understandable that it is hard for you to believe your baby will be okay. Happy Mother’s Day to you! I hope you have been able to celebrate you today :)

  6. This is the way I wish so many of these interactions would turn out. Well handled by everyone, sensitive and kind. Don’t worry about believing in Strawberry Baby…we’re all believing for you until you’re ready.

  7. I agree with the others–such a brave and graceful response. Yours is a really, really hard way to be a mother. I hope you will get to experience the more typical version, and I *believe* you will, but will be tremendously relieved when you bring Strawberry home.

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