And then I sat on a plane headed for what many call paradise. Sobbing. Because I should be taking care of two little girls, not a vacation.
Many loss triggers are still unpredictable for me. With infertility, at least I knew what to expect. And I usually managed to get home, or at least to the bathroom, before actually melting down. But if a trip to a tropical island is a trigger, anything could be.
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Conceptionally challenged 
I am so sorry this loss and heartbreak has followed you on this trip. I hope the beautiful scenery is able to lift your spirits just a tiny bit as your time on vacation goes on. I wish this could be different for you. This is just not fair.
Yes, the triggers can jump out of anywhere. I hope that you find some signs from them while you’re on vacation. They’ll still be triggers, but hopefully a little more gentle.
There is literally nothing that doesn’t remind me of my mom. I imagine the same is true of people whose possibilities should have encompassed the whole world.
I agree, I can usually at least THINK I can forsee triggers but BAM out of nowhere something hits me like a truck. I get it big time. With me sometimes the crying helps. I hope your trip is full of beauty <3
((((HUGS)))))
I’m just so sorry; so, so sorry that your little girls aren’t here with you. There simply aren’t words to express how unfair all of this is. Hoping that Strawberry Baby and a beautiful vacation remind you of the good things you have coming… it doesn’t diminish the loss at all, but it’s certainly something worth living for. Hugs to you!
I hate triggers. I’m sorry that you have some too :( Thinking of you and sending you a big hug!
So so sorry hun, thinking of you and sending a nice warm hug xx
That’s so hard, sweet CC. I remember you taking the plane when you were pregnant with the girls, so there may have been lots of cues flooding your senses about that time.
We went South a few weeks before my due date of the pregnancy I miscarried, and I felt very much like what you describe. I felt like I should be home preparing the baby’s room, and not on a plane to paradise.
I hope that once you are there, you can enjoy yourself. All things point to the fact that you will be taking care of a baby shortly, and taking some time to rest right now is a great plan.
So sorry. They come out of nowhere and sometimes at the most random times, even in the fun happy times like a vacation. Don’t feel bad about grieving ever, on vacation or wherever it hits you. Praying for you and your baby! I hope you have a good vacation filled with rest and relaxation!
Oh, I’m so sorry. I know that you’re so happy to have strawberry, but of course you will be sad when you think about what should have been. I hope that you can find peace and healing in the tropical paradise. You’ve been so strong throughout, but there are bound to be moments of incredible sadness. I just hope that they become more fleeting and far between over time. Hugs.
It’s so horrible that something that should bring you joy instead brings tears. Sending hugs.
I hope that you can enjoy your time love, I’m sorry this is so unfair.
I am deeply sorry. I was also thinking of the flight you took before A and C were born, how many dreams you must have had. I wish you were living those dreams. I also wonder if you’ve been having to hold it all together for work and are now having a chance to let go… Maybe some of this vacation will be about taking time to grieve, but I hope you find peace waiting for you in paradise. Oh gosh, that sounds a little scary–I mean TROPICAL paradise!