The ultrasound NP was on holidays, and the doctor that did my ultrasound yesterday was new, and clearly unfamiliar with the practice’s new computer. He kept going back and forth between menus although even I could see that he had already been in the one he was looking for… He had first showed us that there was one sac and a heartbeat, so I wasn’t worried, but in a different situation I imagine this would drive me nuts. Also, he poked my cervix more than I (and it) liked.
Strawberry baby didn’t look like a strawberry at all, more like a banana, maybe. Also, is the growth of my belly a bit alarming, or is it just me? (Or all the food?)
The part that made me nervous actually started the day before the ultrasound: I began to feel some pelvic pressure. Rationally I know that Strawberry Baby is tiny (7mm as of yesterday) and so it can’t be putting any pressure yet. It might be my abysmal pelvic floor muscles – I stop when I need to cough or sneeze. The alternative isn’t pretty. So I started doing Kegels again, hoping that would help. I had considered asking at the appointment, but given how unconvinced I was with the doctor, and unwilling to be poked even more, I didn’t. Plus, I don’t think anyone would really (be able to) do much about it. I will ask my MFM as soon as I see him, but that’s not until early April.
Then today around noon I started spotting. Cue freakout for a minute. But it was really just spotting, red-tinted fluid that fortunately quickly turned into brown-tinted fluid. Given that I suspect it may have come from poking around, I wasn’t that interested in going in to get checked out again. I temporarily decided against my original plan of swimming tonight, but then read some loss blogs and was sobbing more than I have in a while. So I went to the pool after all, hoping for the water to calm me down.
I oscillate between excitement and fear of losing this baby, which is often mixed with sadness about not getting to keep A & C. Pregnancy after loss is a strange place to be.