breaking the silence – part 3

Earlier this year, I got an advertisement that I thought was hilarious, in a nerd humor kind of way, and forwarded it to a friend I went to university with. His girlfriend had sent me some text messages after A & C died, so I knew they were thinking of us and trying to stay in touch. His reply included that he just found out he’d be in my city next week, and if there was a chance to meet up for breakfast on Thursday? There was. He wrote back:

Great! Looking forward to seeing you!

Such a common expression, and yet it meant so much to me. Because I’ve noticed that many people are apprehensive of meeting me, meeting us, now. We went to our favorite but rather famous coffee shop – the rule is, whoever arrives first gets in line, and then you still have a while to chat until you actually get to the counter. First we chatted about “normal” stuff – travel, work, etc. But once we sat down with our breakfast and coffee*, he asked how we were doing. If I wanted to talk about that. So I told him about going back to work, where 50% of my colleagues have never so much as said a word about our loss, the family visit for Christmas with its good and difficult sides, and the upcoming FET and our hopes and fears around that. He acknowledged that healing will take a long time, and wished us luck for the FET. And then we went back to talking about other things.

* in case you’re wondering, I had decaf – I’m not sure this actually makes a difference, but I will do the few things I have control over


7 thoughts on “breaking the silence – part 3

  1. It’s so good when people don’t shrink away from talking about a loss. So many people are SO uncomfortable with acknowledging death that they can do more damage by avoiding the subject than just offering to talk about it. I am glad you had a friend who could bring it up, address it, and then move on. I can’t tell you how much it helped me to have those people to talk to.

  2. Five gold stars, friend of CC! You wore your big boy pants and talked about the hard things, and for that, you’ll forever be in this community’s graces.
    I’m really glad you got to *be seen* in where you are at right now. That’s a good, complete sort of experience to have as opposed to the fragmented one of being with those who are too uncomfortable to speak of your immense loss.
    Hope the 2ww is not driving you crazy, dear woman. My thoughts are with you.

  3. A good friend indeed. It’s hard to sometimes know what to say when someone has experienced such heartbreaking loss, but I am learning that at least acknowledging that loss is important.

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