breaking the silence – part 1

“I wanted to talk to you”, he said, “about your miscarriages”. I thought that this was actually called stillbirth but didn’t say anything. I was amazed this conversation was happening, months after our loss.
“It’s difficult to talk about this as a man… “ he said, and again I didn’t interrupt but tried to give him an encouraging look while thinking that it’s difficult to talk about this for just about anyone. He proceeded to share that they had had seven miscarriages, in different stages of pregnancy. I knew they have two living children, but seven losses sounds awful. The hidden pain you don’t see in a big, strong man that has drawings from his kid pinned to his office walls. “Of course it would have been more helpful to tell you this earlier, when you lost your babies, but then I got sick.” Then someone knocked on the door and he had to leave for another meeting. I got up and said “Thank you”, in a way that wouldn’t be out of place in a professional interaction, but tried to put my heartfelt appreciation for sharing his losses, for letting me know he had an idea of how we felt, and that he and his wife thought much about us, into those two words.

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5 thoughts on “breaking the silence – part 1

  1. That was very kind of him to share. It has been amazing to me how many people that we have known for years have shared their loss with us since Jackson was born. Thinking about you.

  2. That’s kind of what I was dreaming of for you: people in geographical proximity who could really get what you are going through. I’m really glad that your colleague came forward. I hope you feel less alone in your grief.

  3. Oh wow. I was all set to be pissed at him for calling them miscarriages, but at least he understands that you lost your babies, and I do admire him for finding the courage to extend a hand. Than you, Male Colleague, and I’m sorry for your losses.

  4. Sounds like it was a bit awkward for him to approach you about this, but also really nice that he reached out. As awful as it is that anyone has to go through the heartache of loss, it’s also nice to know we aren’t alone.

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