Insult to injury

I want a sticker. Two, actually, with sad smilies or some other symbol that makes it quite plain that my babies could not go home with me.

We went back to L&D a few nights ago. I suddenly felt a gush of blood while brushing my teeth. Trying not to panick, I finished cleaning my mouth and face – but then I noticed my pants getting wet. The (regular) pad was soaked. Not comfortable with the idea of going to bed after this experience, I called L&D, who said I should come in. My poor tired husband was first unwilling to go, and then really scared.

For reasons beyond me, it took forever for a cab to actually get here. After a looong ride, we finally arrived and were shown to a room. The nurse made some small talk while taking my vitals – and then she asked who was taking care of the twins now. Ouch. Can’t have been good for my blood pressure either. Thus the sticker.

The ultrasound showed a clot in my uterus. They don’t think it’s firmly attached, so the options were wait-and-see or drugs. I chose the latter, as I’d really like to get over with this (the physical part, anyway). But not so fast. Despite the sleepless night (because of the trip and the well-lit triage room, not the cramps) I didn’t pass any big clots. There were a few more gushes though. At the appointment with the MFM that afternoon (which is worth a post in itself, or three) he could still see debris in there, albeit smaller. He’d like to avoid a D&C if at all possible, and I agree. But those gushes keep coming – not a whole lot, maybe 2 or 3 per day, and they don’t actually soak a maternity pad, but that’s still more than I’m comfortable with. 

As an extra twist, I have a retroverted uterus. Thus perhaps the gushes have an anatomical reason – depending on my position, the blood cannot necessarily get out. Nevertheless I don’t know how much longer I want to wait this out. Experiences or suggestions, dear readers?

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19 thoughts on “Insult to injury

  1. Over the summer my best friend lost a set of twins. She was still in the first trimester when she found out they had passed. She suffers from endo and adenomyosis, so her dr told her a d&c would be too dangerous, so that wasn’t an option for her. After her miscarriage was over she continued to gush blood, so she went the the ER, and she was diagnosed with a blood clot in the uterus. The dr assured her she would soon pass it on her own and the bleeding would stop. That was 11 weeks ago. She has been bleeding non-stop, and all the bleeding has just made it impossible for her to move past the miscarriage. She told me the other day that she wishes more than anything that a d&c was an option for her because she would have had one months ago. I truly hope the same thing doesn’t happen to you, and that the bleeding stops soon. I am so sorry you are going through all this. I will be praying for you and your family.

    1. I’m so sorry for your friend, this must be an awful experience. Would an aspiration be an option for her, given that it’s less invasive?
      For me, the bleeding and scares have made it so much harder to grief for the loss of my babies. I think I’ll need some extra time for grieving once the physical recovery is going better.
      Hoping your friend will be able to recover soon.

  2. No good suggestion other than to keep on top of this. After Oscar and Bella were born, at my 6-week post-partum check-up I was still bleeding. Two weeks later I had an u/s done (by a different doc) and had a D&C. 2 weeks later I was still bleeding and needed a hysteroscopy to remove the final piece of placenta. As much as there is the concern over the physical aspects, the constant, extra, physical, daily reminders are very tough to handle.

  3. I have been lurking for two weeks. We lost our dear sweet baby boy on Oct 12 and as a result I went to madly reading to make sense of this loss once again and I found this blog. I have been wanting to comment but had nothing to offer since words are inadequate at this moment.

    Our baby was born at 19 weeks and 6 days. This is our second loss – his brother we lost last year at 19 weeks 5 days. I can share my experience via email since some of the detail is quite private. I did not have a D&C for the first pregnancy and during this pregnancy they needed to curettage. If you can respond to this via my email I can share my experience if it could at all help you in your decision.

  4. I had some of that when our son was born at 25 weeks. It would come and go, but after about 2-3 weeks it stopped all together. I passed several big (to me at least) clots, but my MFM and OB both said that was normal. Sorry you are going through this, I know the feeling of just wanting the physical reminder to be over.

  5. I sure as hell think there ought to be a sticker to that effect on your chart. Two big, unmissably bright ones, so even the vaguest nurse (or doctor) gets the idea.

    I don’t know anything about the bleeding, but I just want to say that I’m sitting with you, wishing none of this were happening.

  6. I unfortunately don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say how much it sucks that this is happening. You’ve had more than enough to go through.

  7. I’ve been gone for awhile and am checking back in and I’m sorry I wasn’t here to comment for you. I am so sorry that this is the outcome. I am just so sorry.

  8. I’ve been thinking about your impending decision – I’d even penned a draft with details on my loss and D&C to help with your decision. I’m quite relieved you didn’t need the information and they came up with what seems like a better solution for you.

    I find that everyone is trying to help and is essentially trying to do good. Even in the medical community through the struggles to conceive and struggle through loss, my experience has been one where people want to cause as little harm as possible even if in the moment it doesn’t seem true. Whether we can be good and kind to one another in any given moment as we each struggle through our own trying times is another matter but in truth people generally help if they can.

    I hope the aspiration is helpful in relieving the sad reminder of your loss. The physical aspect of loss with the nagging blood and milk is difficult and isolating. For me it was a welcome relief when it faded slowly so I could focus my healing in other ways.

    I am sad to be on a semi-parallel journey with you on this loss but I am so appreciative of your courage to share with others these intimate details. It is quite admirable – thank you.

    1. Adri – so sorry I didn’t email you back, things progressed more quickly than I thought, and then I was (am) just plain exhausted.
      And I”m so sorry that you are on this semi-parallel journey, but glad to hear that my writing helps you. It does help me, too.

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