The mother of a friend of mine from high school (K) died earlier this year. K and I weren’t very close, and now I live on the other side of the world, so I didn’t even know about it until recently. A mutual friend, R, is close to both K and me. She had told me around Christmas that K’s mom was ill with cancer and that K was very worried about it. So when my dad told me he’d seen K at the cemetery, it was easy to guess what had happened (and unfortunately the guess was right).
R is a very kind and caring person. She’s one of the few people in real life that I actually talked about our infertility with. She has only had surprise pregnancies herself (but rough ones, thanks to HG) and yet was more understanding than many other people. When my mom died a few years ago she sent me a thoughtful handwritten card.
I want to write to K. It may be half a year later, but for her things may not have moved on as they do for the rest of the world. They certainly didn’t for me.
And yet, although one might say I “have been there”, I don’t know what to write except that I’m so very sorry. Perhaps because this is such a personal journey, finding your feet again after a loss. Perhaps because our family situation has clearly changed for the worse (sort of complicated, I may leave this for another post) that I don’t feel I have much of an encouraging story to share. And I’m not even sure if encouraging would be the right thing to say at this point – it doesn’t make the loss weight any less.
Suggestions, dear readers?