still here

Thanks for your comments regarding the charting app, and sorry for vanishing. I tried a few of the free apps, decided that many of them are fancy-but-not-actually-useful, and eventually picked (and bought the full version of) FemCal. Which essentially looks like a direct implementation of what’s described in TCOYF, no bells and whistles, but quite customizable, which I like. Not sure if the prediction of peak days and expected periods works well, but given how erratic my cycles can be, that might be a lot to ask.

Somehow over the last weeks I came to the realization that it is not terrible if I don’t get pregnant this year. Which may be a way of self-protection — chances are low, as are the possibilities of doing treatments (as previously described). Plus, I started to think seriously about my career, not so much in the what-would-happen-if-we-finally-had-a-baby way, either independent of that, or with the fear that neither might work out… (it’s not as bad as it sounds here though. I think.) So with that, I’m not sure what to do with this space — after all, following natural cycles is not too exciting. I have a few things I wanted to write about, but that would need time and thought, and I’ve been really busy with the rest of life. I keep doing my fertility yoga exercises, because I think they’re good for me (in general, the fertility effects remain to be seen), though I’ve pretty much stopped doing any exercise during my period, and my pain has been much better. Not quite gone yet, but much, much better. And yesterday I got another pregnancy announcement, and I was okay. Not excited, but not terribly sad either. So perhaps at least yoga helps me calm down.

And then today, CD7, I was a good girl and did my breast self-exam. And decided to make an appointment, because there might be something that I don’t like… it’s not always noticeable and so I’m not sure if it’s anything at all (and of course I hope it’s nothing), but I’m a bit scared. No bad news, please.

6 thoughts on “still here

  1. Crossing my fingers for no bad news. But I’m glad you’re going to check it out. Chances are overwhelming that it’s nothing. But, still, for reassurance sake.

    Glad your periods have been less painful. Also glad that you’re at peace with where things are right now (though, I know it’s very hard…monitoring natural cycles is like watching grass grow).

    That said, I’m still kind of hopeful for one of your natural cycles.

  2. Good to hear from you! I hope you don’t get any bad news!!! And I definitely hope you keep blogging – I like hearing about natural cycles, and all the stuff involved. As well as the other parts of your life!

  3. I had a few episodes of sudden and rather scary lumps–something like fibrocystic breasts. I’m sure you’ve done you’re googling and found the checklist of things to reduce worry (like, does the lump move freely, etc.) Anyway, in my case it was suddenly there, gone, there, gone, and has stayed gone. Anyway, the smart thing is of course to check it out!

    I’m always kind of glad when someone is too busy with LIFE to post, because after all, for most of us this is a space for venting and anxiety, and if you don’t need that, it’s a good thing, right? But if you do need it, we’re here!

  4. Oh. Do keep blogging. I’d love to hear your other ideas, but I’ll be good and not moan if you are over-stretched.

    Let us know how the appointment went, won’t you? In your own time.

  5. Thanks all for your concern! I’m glad to say that the appointment went well (see next post).

    Adele: that’s a great analogy.

    Alex, WFI & Twangy: I’ll try! Regarding the other parts of life, I worry that I make myself too identifiable…

    Bunny: sounds scary indeed, I’m glad it stays gone!

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