the fear of never

I just read this beautiful and sad story, and it made me cry some silent and desperate tears. It is about strength and love, and it may have hit me in a different way than most. My mother was a wonderful person, and one of the things that made me incredibly sad when I lost her was that she would never meet her grandchildren, and that any child of mine would never get to know her. Now that it is becoming increasingly clear that having a child will be difficult for us, and particularly in those moments when I fear that this will never happen, it feels like a double loss. No mother, no child.

This will get better. I know. There are lots of options we haven’t tried yet. But on some days it is just hard.


11 thoughts on “the fear of never

  1. It can be so hard, it’s another kind of bereavement. And that added to the grief for your lovely mother – I can only imagine.

    As you say, it will get better. xx

  2. Wow, that was a beautiful story! Brought tears to my eyes…
    I was heartbroken when both of Hubby’s parents died and we still weren’t parents. It does hurt :(.

  3. I am sorry that your mother is not there anymore.

    I pray that your dream of parenthood does fructify. It is what I hold on to too.



    P.S. Thank you for your kind words on my blog.

  4. You are right. Some days it IS hard. My father is still alive, but quite ill and even though I’m currently pregnant he won’t really ever know the baby, nor will the baby ever get to know his/her grandfather. It really is a different kind of grief and there are days when it can be overwhelming. I’m sending you hugs.

  5. It’s a lovely story. No wonder it hit you hard. My mother is still living but I think I understand what you feel (at least, partly). Sometimes, I can’t bear the idea of not carrying that mother-child thing into another generation. If she were gone, I think all these blows would fall much, much harder. I’m getting choked up even writing this comment.

    I’m so sorry, C. Hugs to you.

  6. Yup. That made me cry too.

    And I also grieve that my mum never saw her daughters grow up, marry and will never know any of our children. And I hate the fact the she isn’t us whilst we (my twin and I) are dealing with infertility.

    It hurts and it is so unfair. But I also know that she gave us so much love when we were young that it has given me strength to help deal with these things now.

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