clarified (somewhat)

At our follow-up appointment, my doc had found out that the “unclear” parts of the MRI were so because of all the scar tissue / adhesions I have from my previous surgery. Which means that they cannot see much in this area. The overall conclusion remains, no big bloody masses or anything to be seen, which is good. Whether there are small amounts of endometriosis or not they cannot really say, as far as I understand. Nor where my pain comes from — my doctor thinks it could be from the adhesions, but what I find weird is that it mainly occurs during my period, and to a lesser extent until ovulation — to me this screams estrogen-dependent. Anyone with adhesions, or other “weird pain”, has had this experience?

She had also finally received the SA results from last year — oddly enough, on that report morphology wasn’t even mentioned (where I’m from, you don’t actually get any records unless you, or better another doctor, specifically asks for them). So now I don’t know whether they tested for it at all, and hence whether the new results are worse or just “another factor we didn’t know about”. Not that this would help, I guess… H, although very skeptical about anything that is not traditional western medicine, has agreed to start trying a supplement for male fertility. Let’s see if that brings us anywhere. It cannot hurt, I suppose.

The best news of the consultation was that the doctor thinks we could be successful with IUI. Of course it is hard to predict anything as nobody knows how my endo (if it is there at all) affects my chances of getting pregnant, but based on his numbers she would suggest us to try 4 rounds of that, and then think about IVF. One of the insurance plans at my next job would cover 50% of IUIs, including the drugs, which would be a start. No IVF coverage, though… sigh. I’m not entirely sure how it would be with my insurance here, and unfortunately the only clinic that works with it was not very impressive (they wrote the wrong diagnosis on the SA, and needed 4 attempts to put the correct name on the invoice).

I think in part I’m still grieving the idea of conceiving naturally, so perhaps it is not the worst thing in the world if we have to wait a bit, until we have moved and settled in our new location. Still, it hurts me that some friends will probably be preparing for the arrival of #2 by the time we even have a chance of conceiving #1 (and we all know that this does not mean we’ll actually have a baby 9 months later). I got though most of this month fairly well, given my IF-unhappiness and the anniversary of my mom’s death in late November, but last Friday I just lost it, and all I could do was cry on the way home. A BFN on Saturday morning didn’t make it any better, but HP7 was at least distracting, and afterwards we went for drinks with friends. In a place that used to be super-nice with great food, but now has new owners and is… less nice. But more expensive. Sigh. This will get better, right?

9 thoughts on “clarified (somewhat)

  1. Ugh – I’m so sorry you aren’t getting really clear answers. I don’t have any advice on the adhesions or anythign, I’m sorry. I love that your doctor thinks you could be successful with IUI! And that your insurance covers 50% of IUI’s – that’s fantastic!

    Take the time you need to grieve conceiving naturally – I know this is a hard thing to do. I really hope this gets better for you!!!

  2. Hmm, good news about IUI being the next likely step, but I’m sorry there’s no real resolution. Any particular reason they’re not doing a lap to diagnose endo? (I’m sure there is and I just forgot…)

    I recall feeling really sad about saying goodbye to the natural option before my first IUI, but totally fine with it immediately after we started. It was also presented as a relatively unlikely route to success for us, so I kind of just wanted to get it out of the way. Anyway, I hope the prospect of moving forward leads to feeling better. Or if not that, something else.

  3. Good news that they think IUI will work and that insurance will cover 50%. Just trying to look at the positive! Good luck with everything and take your time. Go for it when you’re ready!

  4. Sorry about your bfn. I know what you mean about having to wait to actually try. It’s really hard. Your next insurance sounds awesome though. I hope that iui’s work for you ;)

  5. I’ve struggled with endometriosis for about 3 years by now. I haven’t done the lap surgery because my doctor said it would just keep coming back anyway. I can totally relate to feeling sad about friends who are my age having 2 kids by now. Ugh! Time seems to go so slow and very fast at the same time. IUI is our next option as well so I’m looking forward to seeing how it goes for you.

  6. It WILL get better. It has to. In terms of your husband’s SA, that’s frustrating to not have a previous number for comparison. But those numbers can also be flukey. What have they said about checking his DNA fragmentation? I think the supplement is a good idea…there is some hard evidence that it can help, and I’m glad your husband was game for this. As you say, it certainly can’t hurt (and neither can avoiding saunas and cellphones in pockets).

    What you say about mourning a natural conception…I think that’s so normal. I was extremely resistant to any form of “help”. It seemed strange, and wrong. Our baby should be conceived in a bed, not on a sterile examining table! But I think with time you relinquish certain things, and it helps to have time to come to terms with that. At the end of the day, you want a baby. However that baby gets here.

    I’m so sorry that you were feeling low. Sometimes, it just all crashes down, and between the anniversary of your mom’s death (I’m sorry) and the BFN…well, that’s kind of a perfect storm of bad:( Here’s hoping that the skies clear up very, very soon.

  7. Sorry to hear about this. I don’t have experience w/ endo so can’t shed any light on that. But I totally get the enormous disappointment at not being able to conceive normally, and how deaths and other life passages can make those feelings more intense.

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