… I would have asked “Are you darker than normally, or are you just teasing me?”. But they didn’t answer. And perhaps they would have lied, just to tease me some more.
The test I did yesterday was plainer — one line. My husband doesn’t trust it, as it’s from e.bay, but I’m afraid it’s probably correct. F*ck. I had been crying so much lately that he sort of assumed I was pregnant. Well, I cried some more and then tried to spend the rest of the day tear-free (and mostly succeeded, even).
I have a lot of things on my mind, revolving around “what is wrong / what are we doing wrong?”. The not-knowing is hard. I’ll go back to my doc this month, to schedule HSG or lap, and probably another SA. I’m afraid of my life revolving around IF. I’m tired of this, although I do realize that I haven’t been in this process for very long, compared to many others. But if it’s already so hard now, how will I deal with this a few years down the road, assuming this doesn’t work out anytime soon? I’m scared, and this doesn’t make the whole situation any better.
Thanks for all your congratulations on the job. It’s the one thing I hope may take my mind off this ttc business.